6 Orders for a Submissive That Have Nothing to Do With Sex
When most people think of BDSM, they think of sex, yet at their most fundamental, dominance and submission are about the voluntary sharing of power and control.
In popular representations of BDSM, sex is synonymous with dominance and submission (D/s). Please understand that there are many enjoyable and dirty methods to command a submissive in the bedroom. However, not all orders center around sex for many couples in D/s relationships that last around the clock. In reality, a large number of nonsexual orders are involved in many long-term power-exchange partnerships.
These are six non-sex-related commands for submissive.
Acts of Service
Many dominators require their subordinates to carry out deeds of service that simplify their lives. There are countless options, which may include:
- Preparing food
- Cleaning
- Driving
- Getting beverages or coffee
- Giving massages or back rubs
Even though this can seem like simple housework, in a D/s relationship, acts of service can feel very different; I dealt with a submissive client who had a routine that required making her Dominant's bed in a complex method. As she performed those actions each day, her thoughts would stray to Dom's face and how grateful he would be for her work in the future.
Another obedient client made similar remarks regarding his morning custom of preparing his mistress' coffee just the way she likes it: "It's like celebrating our anniversary every day."
Self-Improvement
Direct orders for a Dominant's gain are not always necessary—instead, a lot of dominators issue directives that encourage their subordinates to better themselves.
These could be minor acts like applying for a job that the submissive might not often have the confidence to attempt on their own or reading a particular book to learn a new skill.
The directives might also be directed at a far more ambitious objective. I know a submissive client whose dominance forced her to return to school and complete her bachelor's degree.
Her dominant ordered another to start treatment in order to address a long-neglected emotional problem.
These submissive in both situations yearned to make those life changes but believed they were unable to do so due to impostor syndrome. They felt confident enough to do it because of the Dominant's order. "It was like being given emotional permission to try," someone commented.
He explained that even when he objectifies someone, he is cautious to remember their humanity, even though his personal dynamic with his subordinate was one of owner/property.
"Besides," he said, "playing with your toys till they break is pointless. What do you have, then? A toy that is broken. Upkeep is crucial.
"If You Want Results, Take a Sadist to the Gym with You."
Other dominants use diet and exercise domming to help their submissive lose weight. The D/s dynamic can serve as an additional source of accountability, and another means for the Dominant to exert power (not a bad pun, though it is a fantastic one).
One customer joked, "If you want results, take a sadist to the gym with you," attributing their most recent level of fitness accomplishment to their Dominant's involvement.
Some dominators will impose stringent dietary requirements on their subordinates, including outlining the precise menu and asking them to weigh and measure every dish and record their consumption in a food journal.
Financial Domination
A fetish known as financial domination, or FinDom, occurs when one person—typically a man—gets pleasure from giving significant sums of money to another—usually a woman.
In its most basic form, FinDom is a relatively uncommon and pricey fetish.
However, many lifestyle submissive, particularly those in live-in relationships, take a more relaxed approach to giving over financial power to another person.
It takes a lot of trust to let someone else handle your money because it exposes a submissive to possible financial exploitation by a dishonest Dominant. Furthermore, not having access to economic resources might make it much harder to leave their dominant spouse in the event that they become violent, which is a danger in any love relationship.
However, suppose the submissive struggles with money management; giving up control can actually be very beneficial in the long run, primarily if the Dominant teaches them the skills so they can eventually manage money on their own. In that case, this is provided that the Dominant is more knowledgeable about money management and acts in the submissive's best interest.
Speech Restriction
Our voice is a significant component of our identity and independence. Some Doms use speech restriction orders, which prohibit a submissive from speaking until they are spoken to or even then, depending on the order, as a means of maintaining control.
Naturally, this speech restriction can be a part of a kinky scenario, but it can also be a part of a couple's daily lives outside of the bedroom.
Breaking Bad Habits
I know a woman who did everything she could to stop chewing her fingernails, including saving money for pleasant activities for every day she resisted. She even used varnish that tasted nasty to paint them. Nothing was successful.
Before she entered a bad relationship with a man who enjoyed getting his back scratched, he instructed her to quit biting her fingernails and develop claws so she could rub his back. She couldn't stop biting her fingernails until then.
Additionally, I have witnessed submissive successfully kick cigarettes in response to orders from their non-smoking Dominants to abstain from smoking.
Dominants can act as a form of accountability and assist in getting rid of undesirable behaviors, just way diet and exercise-based commands can.
BDSM Is About More Than Sex
At their most fundamental, dominance and submission are essentially about the voluntary exchange of power and control, even though most people associate BDSM with sex. This can be done in a variety of ways.
Similar to regular partnerships, D/s couples focus more on the two individuals than just sex.
