An A-to-Z Guide To Kink And Fetish

However much sex positivity there is online, kinks and fetishes may still be forbidden. It's subversive and, to be honest, awkward to surreptitiously look up a list of fetishes to test with your spouse online. There's no shame in being acquainted with what's available, though, as sex is entirely subjective, and people are often curious to try things that they think they might love.

First and foremost, understand what a kink is and what constitutes a fetish, as learning about them may be frightening for individuals who are not familiar with them. Sexual behavior that is not deemed "acceptable" by society is known as kinking. Role-playing and experimenting with whips or bondage are two examples of this. An attraction to an inanimate thing, such as the feet, is called a fetish. Fetishes are kink-like.

Regardless of your preferences, kinky sex is all about consent, dialogue, and compromise. Both parties must provide enthusiastic, continuous consent before attempting any new sex act. It's acceptable if your partner's kinks don't exactly match yours. Establishing a constant conversation about your boundaries is essential as you examine what you're comfortable with and what you might not change.

Be Daring has created a list for every letter of the alphabet to help you get started with quirks and fetishes. Who knows? At any stage of your sexual development, one (or more!) of them might catch your attention.

A Is for Anilingus

Anilingus, which involves stimulating your partner's anus through licking, penetrating with your tongue, kissing, or any other type of oral stimulation, is a sex act.

A is for Activist.

A number of fetishes revolve around the weather. There are three different kinds of sexual arousal: activity, which is brought on by sunlight; cinephilia, which is brought on by snow; and gerontophilia, which is brought on by thunderstorms. Actirasty is a fetish in which a person is aroused by direct exposure to sunlight, even if you may feel ecstatic when the sun finally comes out after an incredibly long winter. Public and outdoor sex is actually related to this kink, but it transforms into activity when the sun's warming feeling makes parts of the body it touches physically pleasurable. Orgasm may result from this, depending on the individual and their preferences.

B Is for Bondage

One form of restraint is bondage. The terms "bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism" and a number of common sexual obsessions are all included in the BDSM, which consists of this sex act. Some people like tying up their partner, some like being tied up, and some like doing both. A switch is a person who favors both submissive and dominant positions.

B Is for Blindfold Sex

Increased BDSM play may result from blindfolded sex, also referred to as amaurophilia. The fetish involves a preference for having sex while wearing a blindfold, having intercourse with someone wearing a blindfold, or even having sex in complete darkness. A satin blindfold or silk tie that fits snugly but not too tightly can be worn over the eyes during blindfold sex. Because it necessitates a certain amount of surrender—you must have built trust with the non-blind partner—this practice can be very alluring to some. Your other senses are enhanced when wearing a blindfold. Fragrances become more vibrant, orgasms may be more intense, and you feel your partner's touch on your skin more keenly. Because the blindfold offers solace and a sense of escape, blindfold sex is also a popular fetish among people who experience anxiety during intercourse.

C Is for Cuckolding

When a heterosexual couple chooses to both explore the female's turn-on and make fun of her male partner for having an affair, this is known as cuckolding. It is not necessary for the male partner to be present; it's possible that he finds the idea of his spouse having sex with someone else amusing. Cuckolding is considered voyeurism by some. Those of various genders and sexual orientations can enjoy cuckolding; it's not just a kink for heterosexual couples. You can explore your kink through dirty chat or virtual sex with a third party if you're aroused by the idea of your spouse having sex with someone else but don't want to face the risk and emotional expense of them actually having sex.

C Is for Claustrophilia

Claustrophilia is the opposite of several fetishes that are linked to having sex in open, public places. The sexual arousal brought on by being confined to a small, enclosed space is known as claustrophilia. The feeling of physical confinement can be a source of sexual pleasure for certain people. The fear of confinement may also appeal to some people. It has been shown that fear can cause a sexual reaction in certain people, which explains why some people get hot after viewing scary movies or going on roller coasters.

D Is for Dominance

The DS component (dominance and submission) of BDSM, which is all about reciprocal power exchange, dominates one of its parts. The dominating partner in this kink enjoys controlling the other sexually. Allowing their dominating mate to... dominate them is what the submissive partner does. It should be noted that although the books and films contributed to the popularity of BDSM kinks, they are not totally accurate. There is no proof that dominants like DS behaviors, like spanking their spouse, are a result of early trauma, despite what the movie suggests. Furthermore, you only need the passionate consent of all parties involved; you are not required to sign any form of contract.

D Is for DIY Porn

DIY pornography is closely linked to voyeurism and exhibitionism, where one person is aroused by watching while the other is excited by being seen. A way to satiate both kinks and elevate the act by documenting it is through DIY porn. Part of the enjoyment is creating and viewing homemade porn. Both trust and consent are necessary due to the recording factor. Everyone participating should talk about and set clear guidelines before doing do-it-yourself pornography, including whether they agree to have their faces shown and how and where the content will be stored.

E Is for Electrostimulation

The use of electricity, more especially an electric shock, for kinky, erotic pleasure is known as electrostimulation. Since receiving a shock can obviously be dangerous, electrostimulation develops into a different kind of kink called edge play, which describes dangerous BDSM behavior that has the potential to result in actual physical harm. Electrostimulation is a technique employed in CBT (cock and ball torture) sessions when a domme uses electrical devices, like a transcutaneous electrical nerve endings stimulation unit (available from specialty kink shops) or a wand (see Z on this list), to shock her sub's genitals. This is one of those preferences that need extreme consideration to ensure that the proper safety measures are taken, that a reliable safeword is used and that there is constant, enthusiastic agreement.

E Is for Erotic Asphyxiation

In order to heighten excitement and intensify orgasms, erotic asphyxiation, commonly referred to as breath play, is a fetish in which the brain is given less oxygen during intercourse. Erotic asphyxiation is a wicked and masochistic passion that can be done to oneself or a partner (autoerotic asphyxiation). Some people take pleasure in the change of power during the deed. Significant psychological effects of the turn-on can enable you to experiment with different roles during intercourse. The giving and receiving of control is highlighted by choking. You can take turns being dominant and submissive in bed by allowing someone to choke you or the other way around. Freedom from control or the capacity to accept it is something that many of us yearn for. However, this kind of distribution has more risks than advantages. An irregular pulse, cardiac arrest, brain damage, or even death can result from erotic asphyxiation. Since there is no genuinely safe technique to conduct erotic asphyxiation, those who are interested may attempt light choking after clearly defining their physical boundaries and carefully communicating their agreement, although even this is risky. It is important to remember that choking during intercourse is quite harmful and should be done carefully. There are several dangers. You shouldn't rush to strangle your sweetheart just because you've seen or are interested in choking on porn. This play needs to be performed with a great deal of caution and safety.

F Is for Foot Fetishism

Among straight men, this is one of the most common obsessions. When someone has a foot fetish, they are genuinely aroused by the sight, feel, and thought of feet, and they may develop an addiction to all things related to feet. The practice of kissing, caressing, and rubbing their partner's foot as though it were a sacred object is known as "foot worship," and it occurs often. It can be delightful to have a spouse who has a foot fetish, even if you don't, because it means you'll get lots of foot massages. But foot fetishes are as varied as other oddities. Another critical factor in a foot fetish is humiliation: the fetishist may want their partner to walk all over them, claiming how dirty their feet are and how sorry the fetishist is to like such an action. They may also want their feet shoved in their mouth and face. Pedicures and smelling the feet or shoes they wear all day are examples of other foot fetish behaviors.

F Is for Food Play

A form of fetish in which people are aroused by food in an erotic setting is called "food play" or "scatophilia." Penie-shaped fruits and vegetables, such as cucumbers, bananas, and zucchini, can be used for anal or vaginal penetration in food play. Still, the fetish can also involve the absorption of more sensual, scented foods. This can include applying melted chocolate or whipped cream to the body and licking it off, as well as using frozen fruits, such as strawberries or cherries, to the thighs, breasts, and neck to create a cooling sensation. The way this activity intensifies the sensations of taste, smell, and touch can be stimulating. I typically discover a connection between a particular cuisine and particular fantasies or memories associated with it. Sensuality and food can be associated through noises, images, or even scents. Be ready to experiment with food. Move the problem to a floor that can be easily cleaned, or cover the bed with a protective layer to cut down on cleanup time. Steer clear of spicy chemicals and foods with abrasive textures to prevent potentially unpleasant or uncomfortable physical feelings.

G Is for Gagging

Gagging is the act of lightly choking on something until gagging sounds are produced. In addition to the knowledge that their penises are big enough to make gagging sounds, people with penises usually enjoy their partner gagging on them. In a similar vein, the spouse who is going downtown might like having something pushed down their throat till they start to gag. Gagging doesn't always require a large object; a smaller one can work just as well. However, you should stop once you feel even a little strange, such as when gagging becomes uncomfortable, or you feel like you're about to throw up—something you don't want to do. Maintaining consent and doing what makes you feel most sexy are key components of kink.

G Is for Gerontophilia

An erotic age orientation in which an individual is sexually attracted to the elderly is known as gerontophilia. Although romantic attraction to an older person is common—for instance, a woman in her twenties might be attracted to a man in his late forties—this is not gerontophilia because older does not always mean "elderly." Despite not belonging to or being near that age group, gerontophiles are attracted to those 65 and older. Because gerontophilia necessitates a sincere physical attraction to characteristics associated with the elderly, such as sagging skin, wrinkles, grey or white hair, or age spots, it does not adequately characterize all extreme age-gap relationships—some people choose elderly partners for reasons other than sexual arousal. The kink is said to emerge after an individual has their first or formative sexual experience with an older adult, although there is little research on gerontophilia.

H Is for Humiliation

Not all BDSM behaviors are physical. Impact play and other consensually degrading bodily experiences can be just as potent, if not more intense, than the use of coercion through robust discourse. Typical forms of humiliation include verbal abuse and name-calling. The idea that humiliation plays are anti-feminist is among the most widespread fallacies about them. In bed, nevertheless, many feminists take pleasure in being referred to as "bitch," "slut," or "whore"—your kinks don't match your values. Identifying what turns you off, especially if it is uncommon, like shame, and then responding with it can be a powerful way to regain control of your sexuality in a patriarchal society where women have long been persuaded that sex is not for pleasure. As usual, keep everything consensual and discuss humiliation in advance. If your spouse is okay with being called a "slut" but not a "bitch," be sure to establish boundaries.

I Am for Impact Play

Impact play involves striking the body with your hands, paddles, whips, or whatever else you have lying around the house (spatulas are great for this). Impact play is when you spank your partner during intercourse. Impact play requires communication and cooperation more than anything else. It's a good idea to keep in mind that if you're the one making the impact, stay away from organs like the kidneys (lower back) or rib cage and instead focus on fatty areas like the side of the buttocks or thighs. Start small, gradually, and with a safeword, just like you would with any new kink. Although impact play can be done alone, it also complements other kinks like age play and name-calling. Before purchasing more potent whips and floggers, if you're new to the idea, start with your hands and a nice, old-fashioned spanking. In the event that something turns uncomfortable (and not in a good way), use your safeword right away.

I Is for Interrogation Play

One kind of role play with a BDSM component is interrogation play. The dominant, who controls the interrogation, or the submissive, who is being held hostage and hiding a secret, are the roles that people who are into the kink will play. While it may be erotic for someone with little authority in their everyday life to have it in the bedroom, it may be satisfying for someone with many duties to submit to their partner at home. Although the details of the interrogation are left to the individual's imagination, some scenarios that could occur include a villain torturing a secret agent or a detective interviewing a lead suspect in a criminal case. BDSM toys and tools, like floggers, shackles, and sensory deprivation devices like blindfolds or hoods, are used by the dominant to test the submission in order to gain knowledge or control. The intensity of each "torture tactic" increases as the play goes on. Another way to make the role play more realistic is by using costumes.

J Is for Japanese Bondage

One kind of bondage frequently done using rope is Japanese bondage. In Japanese, kinbaku means "the beauty of tight binding" and shibari means "decoratively tie." It is accurate to say that Japanese bondage, like shibari, is both a type of bondage and an art form.

K Is for Klismaphilia

The lovely Greek word "klismaphilia" means "arousal by enemas." If you don't know, an enema is a medical device that injects your anus with water that is just a little bit warmer than your body temperature. Hospitals use it to help patients get ready for certain medical operations or to cure constipation. Although some people like giving enemas, this kink is most frequently connected to getting one. Kinky people have long used enemas for pleasure, which makes sense given that the anus is an erogenous zone. Another valuable function of this kink is to clean and prepare the rectum for anal intercourse.

K Is for Katoptronophilia

The term "katoptronophilia" describes the sexual arousal that results from masturbating or having sex in front of mirrors or other reflecting surfaces. Even while looking in the mirror could seem like a vanity-driven pastime, the fetish is much more complex than that. There are several reasons why we are drawn to mirrors, but voyeurism is the most common. This enables some people to fulfill their voyeuristic dreams without enlisting other people in their sexual activities. Everybody tends to voyeurism. We take pleasure in seeing what other people do and discovering more about their lives. It's like getting a bird's-eye view of a private, fictitious, and unpleasant event when you watch yourself have sex. By seeing and being seen during sex, katoptronophilic behaviors allow people to satiate their voyeuristic and exhibitionist cravings. It can enhance partner connection, increase body confidence, and offer extra visual stimulation (e.g., porn while having sex).

M Is for Masochism

Masochism is the practice of taking pleasure in the intense feeling commonly known as agony, whether it be emotional or physical. Thus, you may be a masochist if you take pleasure in being spit on, slapped, or humiliated. The opposite of masochism, sadism (called by a French aristocrat from the 18th century) is the enjoyment of causing people bodily or psychological suffering.

M Is for Melolagnia

A fetish known as melolagnia involves getting aroused by music. This includes having strong sexual reactions to music and fantasizing about particular songs or genres, in addition to having a go-to Spotify playlist for sex. Many musical elements, including the singer's voice, beat, repetition, or even the composition itself, can arouse a listener. This can lead to physical sensations like goosebumps, a faster heartbeat, or even more natural sexual lubrication.

N Is for Nylons

A foot fetish is sometimes linked to a nylon obsession, yes, like tights. The appearance and feel of their legs, feet, and toes wrapped in nylon stockings may appeal to someone who has a nylon fetish. They could want the nylons shoved into their lips or sniffed. Start by having your partner tie you up with nylons, wearing them the next time you get frisky (as long as you don't mind tearing them), or using them as a blindfold for sensory deprivation if you want to give it a try. (Side note: Although bondage is a kink, bondage with nylons is not the same as having a nylon fetish, where the sexual excitement comes from the nylons themselves rather than from using them.)

N Is for Nebulophilia

A lesser-known oddity is necrophilia, a condition in which smoke, steam, fog, or dry ice can cause sexual pleasure. Nebulophiles may have experienced these traits directly in the past, such as at a theater performance with a fog machine or in a misty, evocative music video. Still, there hasn't been much research on the oddity. Necrophilia may be related to a person's perception of risk, where smoke or fog is interpreted as a warning sign, activating fear receptors and sometimes causing an increase in sexual desire.

O Is for Objectum Sexuality

Fetishes, or objectum sexuality, are sexual relationships (or attraction) to inanimate objects. When objectum sexuals fall in love with objects like their couch, a yacht, or the Eiffel Tower, they are usually portrayed in the media as weirdos and oddities. Nevertheless, there are drawbacks to this conception of objectum sexuality. The definition of a fetish is an attraction to an inanimate object. Welcome to the world of fetishism if you've ever fantasized about your vibrator. This includes sex toys, footwear, and lingerie. Indeed, given how quickly sex-doll technology is developing, objectum sexuality might soon be a part of everyone's lives. This point of view is crucial because, despite the awfulness of kink-shaming, it enables us to understand and sympathize with people who actually feel something for more "out-there" items.

P Is for Public Sex

For some people, having intercourse in public can be thrilling and worth the chance of being noticed. Getting away with doing something you shouldn't do, knowing that you could face legal repercussions if caught having sex in public, can send a vast dopamine surge through our brains, making it feel like the ultimate reward. Among the most common places where people can have public intercourse are fields, forests, parks, and gardens. This kind of sexual play is categorized as exhibitionism because it is public and involves danger. No matter how thrilling it may be, it's always vital to consider whether engaging in public intercourse could violate the consent of others.

Q Is for Quirofilia

A hand-related fetish known as quirofilia might manifest as a fascination with fingers, a fantastic manicure, or just hot, burning hands. Hands are pretty. They are used for many pleasurable activities, such as back massage, fingering, and the undervalued hand job. Some hand fetishists may get off on hands doing simple tasks like picking up groceries or doing housework, but quirofilia can also use hand jobs, fisting, or fingering (the use of hands to produce sexual pleasure directly). Although the behavior or item of interest to the fetishist may seem nonsexual, fetishes are fundamentally sexual. A hand fetishist's wet fantasy is what one person views as a chore, such as cleaning the dishes.

R Is for Role Play

Role acting, in which participants play personas from outside of their everyday lives as part of a sex scene, is another common fetish. This might be as simple as dressing as a nurse or as complex as developing an entire scene with characters. College students and professors, bosses and secretaries, pool boys and wealthy women, and doctors and patients (medical role-play) are typical examples. A complete wardrobe is not required, even though role-playing often involves costumes and is a terrific opportunity to dress up. Scenes can be created with only your imagination and profanity.

R Is for Robot Fetishism

People who are sexually attracted to robots or other similar entities, like androids or cyborgs, are said to have robot fetishism, also referred to as robots. This attraction can be felt in real life, like when you have sex with fully-formed robots or sex dolls, or in a more literary context, such as when you read fanfiction or novels about these things. Role-playing is another way that robots can manifest themselves, such as when a human partner dresses up or acts like a robot while engaging in sexual activities.

S Is for Spectrophilia

Connecting with others has been challenging for heterosexual women this year. People who have spectrophilia may be attracted to, form relationships with, or have intercourse with spirits who come to them at night. According to mythology (or electrophilic imagination), a succubus is a ghost that takes the shape of a woman and visits her object of desire at night for a passionate human-ghost relationship. The masculine version (along with that band) is an incubus. The sexual urge reported by spectrophiles is as accurate as any other fetish, even though the existence of ghosts is questionable (and makes for incredible Halloween movie marathons). That does, however, give the phrase "friendly ghost," doesn't it?

T Is for Tentacles

First of all, because octopuses are animals and cannot give their consent, you cannot have sex with an actual octopus or one that resembles one. However, you can love the octopus-like monsters found in tentacle porn. In addition to being so foreign and prohibited, some experts claim that it also satisfies other elementary fantasy motifs like bondage and multiple penetrations, which makes it thrilling. Additionally, the sex toy company Bad Dragon could be able to fulfill your monster fantasies if your ideal penis is a gigantic blue tentacle.

T Is for Trichophilia

The sexual attraction to hair is called trichophilia or hair fetishism. The hair in question is usually human head hair, although it can also be animal fur or human hair (armpit, chest, pubic, or head). Wearing someone else's hair, stroking, smelling, or looking at hair, or interacting with hair in different states—such as wet, chopped, or plucked—can all be considered fetishes. It even involves swallowing hair in certain situations. Individuals who engage in this fetish could have a strong preference for the hairstyle—such as short, cropped hair, tight curls, or red hair—that is connected to their sexual action or dream.

U Is for Urophilia

Water sports sometimes referred to as pee play or golden showers, are referred to as urophilia. People find urinating sexually attractive when they have this quirk. Giving or receiving golden showers is the most common way to play with urine. However, there are many other options as well.

V Is for Voyeurism

A voyeur is a person who enjoys having sex while watching others get it on. Consensual voyeurism is what we mean when we discuss voyeurism from a kink standpoint. A crucial difference! Exhibitionists like to be watched, and voyeurs like to be watched, so these two interests are often offered at kink or sex parties. Everyday life becomes more complicated because it is forbidden to monitor someone without their consent or knowledge. Make sure you indulge your voyeuristic cravings in ways that are consensual with exhibitionists who have given their permission. Everyone wins (and gets off) in this fashion.

V Is for Vicarphilia

Vicarophilia seems to have become more commonplace with the popularity of erotic podcasts and audiobooks, even though many of us are unaware of it. People who are deeply aroused by learning about the sexual experiences, passions, and behaviors of others—especially those who have different or more interesting lives than their own—are said to have vicar philia. This can be experienced by reading an autobiography by a writer detailing their first romantic encounter or by listening to a brilliant artist talk about their sexual past on a podcast. In essence, the kink involves taking pleasure in other people's sexual experiences.

W Is for Whip

Although the term "whip" officially refers to a device with a thinner body that produces a "stingy" sensation, it is frequently used to refer to all impact play weapons. (BDSM practitioners often use the terms "thuddy" to describe a tool, such as a paddle, and "stingy" to express feelings.) The most sophisticated on the market is the single-tail whip, which resembles a snake and can crack when appropriately applied. Only seasoned dominatrices should use single-tails since they might damage organs by breaking the skin and wrapping around the body.

W Is for Wet and Messy

Being surrounded by or immersed in wet food or liquids is a fetish known as "wet and sloppy" or "sploshing." This can include sitting on a cake, getting smothered in frosting, or having Jell-O during intercourse—all the nice stuff. Non-food items like shaving cream, copious amounts of lubricant, paint, and more may also be included. Whether or not you're having sex, it's when you get a lot of sexual pleasure from a lot of wet messiness during sexual play. There are many reasons why sploshing is appealing, but in the end, it depends on the individual. One of the most frequent causes of the wet and dirty obsession is sensory stimulation. The tactile experience of the material and, in the case of food, its flavor seems to be the main draws. It is, in some respects, an extreme form of sensory play. Sloppiness, slipperiness, and other sloshy pleasures are what turn people on. Not yucking someone else's yum is crucial. As long as all participants are consenting adults and the action is safe, we shouldn't judge someone based on their sexual preferences because human sexuality is complex.

X Is for Wax Play

Candlelight is a great way to set the mood, but you can also use the melted wax for incredibly wonderful sex. We're happy that the sex toy industry is on our side since, of course, playing with fire (and wax) is dangerous. You don't have to be concerned about unintentional burns because there are candles that burn at a temperature that is safe for people. There are also massage candles. These have beautiful scents like dark vanilla and bourbon. When the candle's wax burns, it turns into massage oil. Have fun.

Y Is for Yoni Egg

An egg-shaped device called a yoni egg is worn inside the vagina and is typically used in pelvic floor exercises. The pelvic floor muscles contract to hold a yoni egg in place once it is inserted into the vagina. The sexual wellness company Chakrubs sells them in crystals like rose quartz, jade, and black obsidian, and they can be beautiful. Since crystals are used, many Yoni egg users also incorporate spirituality into their practice. Before adding this to your Kegel routine, do your study because there is still disagreement on any potential health risks.

Z Is for Zappers

The endearing moniker "Zapper" refers to an electrostimulation tool. These are used to shock the body with electricity, and they frequently look like a wizard's magic wand. In DS play, when the dominant shocks the submissive, zappers are commonly employed. Zappers feel like a slight sting despite their scary sound. If they are on your hard-no-limit list, that's okay, too. Without zappers, you can still be kinky and calm; I'd be stunned if they didn't make you a little nervous.

Z Is for Zentai

A form-fitting garment that covers the entire body, including the head, fingers, and toes, is called zentai, which is derived from the Japanese word zenshin taitsu (full body tights). It is usually made of spandex and has vibrant colors. The fabric's tightness and proximity to the skin, as well as the pressure it may apply to delicate body parts, might be the stimulating element for zentai practitioners. The garment may make the wearer feel confined and trapped, a sexual experience akin to claustrophilia since zentai is a type of sexual bondage. The anonymity these outfits offer can be particularly thrilling for those who are shy or prefer a little mystery.