Consensual Non-Consent

An arrangement of sexual power that permits the role-playing of coerced acts is known as consensual non-consent (CNC). To provide the impression that a dominant is forcing a submissive to do something against their will, a submissive in CNC offers their assent in advance. Consensual non-consent for specific scenes or a more permanent arrangement may be agreed upon.

Blanket consent is another term for consensual non-consent. There must always be an acknowledged method to halt or slow down play, even though CNC is all about overriding words like "no" or "stop" as a mutually agreed-upon aspect of play. If not, this could be viewed as an abusive dynamic instead of a mutually agreeable one.

Since saying "no" is frequently used in the play or scene, it is crucial that everybody involved understands that consenting to not consent is what CNC is all about. To properly define boundaries, it could be beneficial to go over every element (almost like a TV script) and ensure that everything is understood.

By Alexandra Saunders, Ph.D., a professional psychotherapist, Tantra instructor, and AASECT-certified sex therapist. For instance, one person might not feel comfortable choking, while another could desire it in a rape play scenario. Holding someone down may not be acceptable due to an injury, or vaginal penetration may be ok, but anal penetration is not. Every possible topic must be covered. Given the expectations, CNC can be problematic and sticky, so it's essential to be fully aware of them and use safe language ('no' and ' stop' frequently don't work in these circumstances).

Those who want to participate in consensual non-consent talk freely about their intentions. The dominant and submit might design how a scene or way of life will look for them through this conversation. The participants may feel comfortable with the level of information in this plan. They can also plan safe words and/or safe gestures to indicate that they want the scene to slow down or halt, as well as learn about each other's hard and soft limits.

While they may discuss soft limitations, the dominant must consent to respect the submissive's hard limits. Some prefer to draft a consensual non-consent agreement that outlines their agreement in detail and is signed by both parties.

Consensual non-consent can include a number of actions, such as:

  • Playing rape
  • Orgasms that are forced
  • The edge
  • Denial of orgasm
  • Restraint and bondage
  • Impact play, including spanking and flogging
  • Premeditated kidnappings or break-ins
  • Somnophilia
  • Blackmail
  • Playing with pain
  • Slavery and the slave trade
  • Exchange of total power

Those interested in consensual non-consent may incorporate one or more of these acts into their plays. Depending on their partner's boundaries and interests, they might also create their own. Only the participants' choices and imaginations can restrict consensual non-consent.

More About Consensual Non-Consent

For consensual non-consent agreements to be successful, trust is necessary. A dominant and submissive must be clear about what they agree to and what they are comfortable with in advance so that they can freely engage in role-playing. The only way to reduce personal risk is to use this type of activity with reliable, committed partners. Despite the fact that some people suggest using contracts or agreements, these might not be legally binding.

Can consensual non-consent be practiced safely?

Consensual non-consent can be practiced securely through communication, the use and observance of safe words and/or safe gestures. As with any new kink practices, it's essential to start modestly before moving on to complex consensual, non-consensual scenarios or a permanent total power exchange arrangement. By doing this, both parties are better able to assess their feelings and determine whether they want to continue playing this way.

Consensual non-consent can be physically taxing, depending on how couples play. During play, people may sustain cuts, burns, bruises, or fractured bones. Unwanted injuries can be avoided by talking about the extent to which both parties are willing to go without consent. For instance, as long as the marks are hidden by clothing, a person may tolerate bruises.

To make sure the submissive is still giving their consent during a stressful scene, the dominant may remind them of their safe words and/or safe gestures. In addition to preventing mental pain, this technique can make the submissive feel secure.

By outlining expectations, contracts can serve a similar purpose as safe words and/or safe gestures. All parties are aware of each other's expectations and boundaries when a contract is in existence. Similar to safewords, some individuals believe that contracts offer the submissive too much power; hence, they would rather not have them. However, keep in mind that play is not consensual unless the submissive has a straightforward means to halt or slow it down.

Following a scene, as with other BDSM exercises, is crucial to a dominant and submissive's relationship and emotional processing. After such a physically and emotionally taxing encounter, the dominant and submissive can relax just by snuggling or touching each other. Partners must talk about the physical and mental aftercare that will take place after a scene because some submissives may prefer space after a scene, while others may want support and cuddles. A submissive may receive assurances from a dominant that they are safe and respected. The dominant and submit may also talk about what they liked about the scene and what they would do differently in similar situations in the future.