Power Play for Beginners: 10 Ways to Explore Dominance/Submission

Submission and dominance. The images of hot secretaries in spreader bars, wealthy billionaires brandishing leather floggers, and couples with at least one collar-wearing member come to mind when you hear these two phrases.

Many people are unaware that power play, or a negotiated transfer of influence, need not be a defining way of life. You have an hour to engage in dominance/submission, or you can do so in limited and defined ways. It could be a costume you wear, like lingerie, or just another fun in the bedroom.

But unlike lingerie, you must be careful about how you wear it. This entails discussing your boundaries with your spouse or partner honestly and openly. This entails being acquainted with "subspace" and "domspace," which refer to the frequently ethereal state of mind that some players encounter. This implies that you should investigate and talk about safety precautions beforehand if you're experimenting with kinks that carry hazards (such as bondage or pain play).

Yes, friends, there is homework associated with kinky sex!

However, it might be hard to know where to begin when you're curious and want to try things out. In what ways do you feel submissive or assertive in real life? How can you easily explore such aspects of yourself?

1. Ask/permit to touch or orgasm.

While allowing for natural check-ins, asking and granting permission is a fantastic method to experiment with dominant and submissive roles. A dominant partner is invited to make that decision on behalf of the submissive partner when they are asked, "Can I touch myself?" Since they are the ones who make the decisions, the dominant is still "in charge."

Leaving your pleasure in a partner's hands is hot. Who's to say which outcome is best? They could give you precisely what you want, deny you relief, or prolong it through edging.

2. Choose sex acts that make you feel in (or out of) control.

Do you feel like you're in charge when you're on top, standing during oral therapy, or holding your partner's sex toy for them? Do you think you are gloriously vulnerable while you're straddling a sex toy, receiving a rimjob, or lying on your belly? Tell your partners so you can begin to enjoy those positions and behaviors more purposefully.

3. Do something to serve or be served.

Receiving positive feelings from performing tasks for a playmate is known as "service kink." As I mentioned in 9 Ways to Get Kinky That Don't Involve Pain, sometimes those activities are conventionally sexual (oral sex, strip tease, worshiping someone's body), and other times they aren't (doing chores, running errands, etc.).

You can sexualize your action by wearing a butt plug, chastity cage, or underwear vibrator, or by clothing scantily or going nude. If you are the one being served, you can give step-by-step instructions to consenting partners to remind them of their job, to compliment or make fun of them for their service, or to engage in dirty chat or masturbation throughout the services.

4. Try pre-negotiated teasing/bullying.

Do feelings of shyness or embarrassment turn you on? You're not by yourself! Although they're not for everyone, humiliation and degradation are rather prevalent kinks. Perhaps you appreciate being referred to as a "dirty little slut," having your hair yanked or drooling around a ballgag as your significant other makes fun of your messiness. Or perhaps you like to be the one teasing others!

It's crucial to clarify that these actions and words are all done for enjoyment and will only occur when everyone is eager to play.

5. Role play as an authoritative/subservient character or figure. 

Experimenting with power relations in bed can spark a variety of novel experiences. Pretending to be someone that society views as authoritative or low-ranking might help ease you into the mindset if you're unsure where to start with dominating or submissive play, as I suggested in Beyond Hot for a Teacher: 5 Ways You Might Role Play in Bed.

Numerous roles in society are perceived as being either innately powerful or submissive. Doctors, managers, legislators, landlords, and religious leaders are examples of occupations that hold positions of authority. Housekeepers, babysitters, and secretaries are among the professions that society considers beneath them. Additionally, relationships that are socially created or familial (such as those between rock stars and their fans) entail power dynamics."

6. Incorporate bondage into foreplay or sex.

It might be beautiful to restrain a companion. "You may feel exposed, objectified, defenseless, etc. while you are restrained. Feeling strong, amazed, cruel, and protective might result from having a spouse chained before you. As I mentioned, "You might be surprised at how bondage can inspire your sexual creativity." Bondage isn't for everyone, just like any fetish, but it's also not universally applicable! You can try limited restrictions, such as letting a lover hold you by a leash or having one hand fastened to the headboard.

These five tips can help you brainstorm ideas for what to do if you or your partner are tied up.

7. Play with "discipline."

Has there been any recent mischief from your partner? Perhaps they've been dressed sensuously around the house or staring at you too much when you're attempting to work from home. Maybe it's time to paddle spank them or give them a consented time out without underwear.

Play discipline, whether given or received, can quickly elicit sentiments of submission or domination. It's among the most blatant displays of power. Discipline may be a delightful way to submit, whether you're asking your spouse to hold you accountable to your to-do list by providing or denying you orgasms or you're submitting to sexy punishment for a made-up offense.

8. Restrict a sense.

Blindfolds, ball gags, and headphones with a seductive soundtrack are among the devices that can be used to restrict your senses. Similar to constraints, sensation restriction can engender emotions of vulnerability and reliance and is a type of bondage. A creative dominant partner can exploit your more sensitive senses (such as touch if you're wearing earplugs and blindfolds) to manipulate your sensory experience and make you jump up and down.

9. Use titles/honorifics that imply a power dynamic.

You've likely heard several kinky pet names, such as "daddy," "goddess," "little one," "mattress," "kitten," "boi," and so on. It may surprise you to learn how quickly using such names, or having them used for you, conveys a sense of superiority or subordination. A unique name you employ when experimenting with power play might anchor that mentality, regardless of whether you're speaking the term with reverence, respect, possessiveness, or fun brattiness.

If pet names fit your play style, you may want to experiment further by adding more dominance and submission to your dirty language. Asking questions, flirting according to your role, and giving (or receiving) orders are all ways to spice up your conversations.

10. Utilize impact play.

What does "impact play" mean to me? Playing with impact feelings is precisely what the name implies. That entails slapping, whipping, spanking, and so on," I said in a recent Peepshow video. "Sensation and atmosphere are the two main components of impact play. The bodily sensations that come from impact are called sensations. The scene's mood, the build-up, and your relationship with your partners are all part of the atmosphere. Everything that is happening in the vicinity of the impact.

Impact play can be combined with humiliation, role-playing, discipline, and bondage. Because it increases your awareness of who is consciously in control and how your body may be utilized to create or experience sensation, it's a terrific technique to evoke sentiments of dominance or submission.