Ruined Orgasms

When a sexual climax is interrupted at the height of arousal, it is referred to as a ruined orgasm. It could be a poor-quality orgasm or none at all. Some categorize these two kinds as destroyed orgasms and partially ruined orgasms.

During a BDSM scene, a dominant may purposefully cause their submissive partner to have a damaged orgasm to establish authority. Accidental ruined orgasms can also occur. This could happen if someone's vibrator's battery dies or if they are interrupted during masturbation or intercourse.

Ruined orgasm vs. edging

Edging and ruined orgasms both entail removing sexual stimulation when a person is highly aroused. But their intentions are different. While the goal of edging is to enhance pleasure, the goal of withdrawing sexual stimulation for a ruined orgasm is to diminish it.

The dominant may stop sexual stimulation for a ruined orgasm only once. Sexual stimulation is repeatedly withheld and reintroduced for edging as the receiving partner approaches climax—the submissive experiences either a minor orgasm or none at all during a damaged orgasm. Because of the increase in sexual tension during edging, the receiving partner should experience a highly powerful orgasm.

Ruined orgasm vs. orgasm denial

The submissive reaches the point of climax during a wrecked orgasm. Even if it's not as intense as a normal orgasm, a botched orgasm might nonetheless occur.

Denying the submissive this type of release entirely is known as orgasm denial. Instead, they have to endure their sexual tension for a long time with no end in sight.

What does it feel like?

At different times, different people may experience ruined orgasms in various ways. It can be a minor orgasm without the release and intensity of a regular orgasm. The body may occasionally twitch as it would during a typical climax, but the sensations may be unpleasant rather than enjoyable. A ruined orgasm can also result in feelings of embarrassment, disappointment, and frustration.

Some people enjoy ruined orgasms, but most people prefer to feel the complete release of an orgasm.

Kinkly was informed by Dr Emily May, a Private Sugar Club writer and AASECT-certified sex therapist, that "the ruined orgasm is one of those kinky paradoxes that some people love and others find completely underwhelming." "I can tell you that a wrecked orgasm is a rollercoaster based on my personal views and professional experience. Just as you build tension and reach the peak, it's taken away from you. Men can compare the sensation to edging, which is the same but done alone. This is used to produce more intense orgasms. However, for women, it depends much more on their relationship with their partners and their dominance. In this BDSM dynamic, people are most motivated by the power struggle and ceding control to others.

Why some people like ruined orgasms

Because they like giving control to their lover, people usually enjoy damaged orgasms. They could pleasure being teased by a partner and then use this to demonstrate their power by denying them what they want. Even if it's not physically pleasurable, giving up control to a partner in this way can be mentally stimulating.

For a dominant who enjoys being in charge, ruining a submissive's climax can be just as enjoyable. Before destroying their climax, they might like to see how aroused they can make their slave.

To make ruined orgasm play more exciting for both themselves and their submissives, some dominants incorporate additional components. For instance, the experience could include erotic humiliation. Because she controls his climax, a femdom can inform her subordinate that he isn't a "real man."

Because it undermines sexual conventions by downplaying the significance of the orgasm to the intercourse, some people also find enjoyment in damaged orgasm play. People start to value the complete sensory experience when climax is not the primary goal.

Playing with botched orgasms can help men and other penis owners who have impotence by increasing their sexual endurance. They may be able to engage in other sexual activities and remain stimulated for longer if they can ejaculate without climaxing.

Ruined orgasm fetish

For some people who find it enjoyable to be denied pleasure, ruined orgasms can turn into a fetish. Male submissives who have domineering female partners are most likely to indulge in this obsession. The tense-and-denial pattern of ruined orgasm play might appeal to them. They could also want to please their spouse to get a "good orgasm."

How to play with ruined orgasms

This type of sexual activity can be made more successful by preparing for ruined orgasm play. Interested parties can learn about safety and best practices by investigating dominance/subordination power relations. They should bring up the subject with their significant other if they are still intrigued.

People can find out whether their spouse agrees to a damaged orgasm play, what role they might play, and how a ruined orgasm scenario might unfold for them by being open and honest with each other. Additionally, they can set up a signal and safe word that any side can use to halt play at any moment.

"This is the advice I give my clients: You don't want to go into this blindly if you're thinking about playing with ruined orgasms," Dr. May stated. "Begin slowly, honestly discuss how far you want to go and don't be scared to laugh as you go. If you're new to power play, your initial attempts may be awkward. However, I think ruined orgasms make a fantastic introduction to BDSM.

"Edging can be good preparation for playing with ruined orgasms," Sofie Roos, a Passionerad writer, professional sexologist, and couples therapist, told Kinkly.

According to her, "the dominant learns to edge on their submissive partner beforehand (outside of the roleplay) to get a knowledge on how far they can push the stimulation before their partner reaches climax," which is the most excellent and most enjoyable approach to play with wrecked orgasm. "Knowing where their boundaries are allows you to ruin their orgasm in a very enjoyable and playful way, which, if allowed, will make the climax feel fantastic; if not, will leave them feeling even more irritated and teased."

The dominating partner typically takes their time sensually teasing their subject to initiate a ruined orgasm sequence. The dominant must increase the sexual tension to bring the submissive to the verge of orgasm, as this is the key to a successful ruined orgasm. They may employ a range of methods, such as utilizing sex toys on their partner, conducting oral sex or analingus, and massaging their submissive's erogenous zones. They might start having sex with their partner to increase the tension, but if they do, it usually happens after a lot of foreplay.

The dominant stops all stimulation when the submissive is about to have an orgasm. The submissive's orgasm will be destroyed if they time this correctly.

Some dominants may employ tools such as vibrators they can turn off to remove stimulation or chastity devices that suppress the submissive's feelings. To prevent their orgasm, a dominant may also give their subordinate instructions to masturbate but then tell them to stop.

Board-certified sexologist and licensed marriage and family therapist Dr. Michael Grey told Kinkly, "The goal of the play is not to achieve orgasm, but some people have more sensitivity, so it takes a little practice to be able to experience a ruined orgasm." You can discover more about your body through this investigation since the body still experiences physical reactions to stimuli, but there is no emotional or physical release. Permit yourself to make mistakes; they will occur.

Ruined orgasm safety

Although people may experience some physical discomfort when their orgasm is disrupted, there is nothing physically dangerous about this practice.

The most significant factor is that this type of play can get intense, mainly if the player is genuinely committed to achieving that peak. Therefore, if you intend to work hard for a long time, ensure you're hydrated and perhaps pack some lubricant," Dr. May continued. During prolonged periods like this one, being dry is relatively frequent. Ensure you have check-ins during and after the play if things get tough.

The psychological effects of damaged orgasms are a more significant worry. This type of play can be rewarding when everyone agrees, but submissives may experience many unpleasant feelings.

"The dynamic and abrupt lack of stimulation could make the sub feel vulnerable, insecure, and frustrated," Dr. Grey added. It's crucial to bargain and talk about aftercare, just as in any play. Imagine experiencing incredible physical sensations, and then suddenly, they stop. Some could internalize that as a lack of "worth" or "disregard." It is possible, even if it's not the play's intended conclusion. Even if the feelings arrive weeks or days later, it is the responsibility of a Dom to ensure that their sub feels emotionally secure and reassured throughout aftercare.

The likelihood of wounded feelings can be reduced by aftercare, having a detailed conversation regarding ruined orgasms, and making sure both participants express their passionate, informed consent before play.