Submissive Dating: How to Attract a Domme

Locating and attracting a compatible spouse requires a great deal of effort. There are times when dating seems like an eternal search. It's hard to find a decent vanilla woman, but it's nothing compared to trying to find a Domme. Here's the deal, though: It's a seller's market when it comes to dating domineering women. There is an excellent demand for dominant ladies. You had best do your research if you wish to be a qualified submissive.

Don't Make Too Many Assumptions

When looking for a Domme, submissives frequently make mistakes. The most significant is having a mental model of what a strong woman ought to be. Don't judge someone by their appearance or professional choices if they aren't a good fit to be your Domme. It may surprise you to learn that the girl next door is the strong woman you have been longing for. A dominant woman is often stereotyped as a businesswoman who is aggressive in all facets of her life and who wears a corset and leather boots on a daily basis. You will be highly disappointed if you are searching for the dominatrix on CSI. There are a lot of various types of dominant women. A domineering woman could be a stay-at-home mother, a dentist, a florist, or even a construction worker. Her professional style will probably be reflected in her daily outfit. I apologize, everyone. Although they are entertaining, no one will wear corsets on a daily basis. (See also: A Professional Dominatrix's Day in the Life.)

Due to a lack of experience, many women who would like to be the dominant one in a relationship or the bedroom are hesitant to show it. The only way to know if the person you are dating is interested in controlling you is to ask them. This is especially true if you are dating a vanilla lady or someone new to kinking. You can always bring up your kinks or fetishes to try to start a conversation if you're uncomfortable asking directly. You can start a discussion about the prospect of her controlling you if you notice that she has several Top/Domme inclinations. (See How to Ask Your Partner to Be Your Dominant for further suggestions.)

Looking for a Domme Online

In the vanilla world, looking for a Domme is challenging and has limited advantages. Although there are more vanilla ladies in the pool, quantity does not equate to quality. Without any kink experience, people won't know what they desire or whether a power-exchange relationship is the best fit for them. I advise searching for a woman who already knows what power exchange is and what her kinks and fetishes are because of this.

So, where can one locate a Domme who is both available and experienced? There are two locations to search: online and offline.

You can filter for kinky folks on a lot of mainstream dating services. Sometimes, this works, but it's not always the most significant or most straightforward approach to finding someone.

Remember that FetLife is not a dating site, but you can still try to locate a Domme there. It's a social media platform. Kinksters perceive Fetlife as a Facebook where they may communicate with other kinky pals and share images that are too explicit for Facebook. Finding organizations and lunches in your neighborhood is a better use of Fetlife. Although there are several FetLife groups where users can post personal advertising, you won't receive any results because there are so many ads placed every day. Do not immediately send a personal message to a Domme on Fetlife if you decide to do so. On Fetlife, dominant women receive up to one hundred form messages per week from submissives, who are often guys, requesting that they be their Domme. Read a potential Domme's profile before sending her anything. If her profile indicates that she is not looking, find out what she is looking for and don't bother her.

Make sure that when you message a Domme, you indicate that you have read her profile, regardless of whether you are on a kink or dating site. She won't notice if you send her a message that reads, "Your pictures are hot, I would love for you to be my mistress," and you'll most likely be blocked.

Finding a Domme Offline

You have a better chance of meeting a Domme in person, but you might be lucky enough to encounter one online. The most excellent method to find a potential Domme is to participate in local events and BDSM munches, as well as to get active with your community. Another advantage of being active in the community is that it enables you to screen possible Domme candidates. Others will be able to tell you whether she is a safe player and experienced if she is active in your local BDSM community.

Know What You Want and Need

Perhaps you were able to locate a Domme that caught your eye. Before you approach her, you still need to know a few things. Knowing what you need and desire from the dynamic is the first step. Are you seeking a part-time companion, a casual romance, or something else entirely? Are you seeking a 24/7 arrangement, something that happens only in the bedroom, or something that happens on the weekends? It's critical to specify your goals in order to avoid any misunderstandings that can cause disappointments down the road. Additionally, you ought to be aware of and able to express your sexual wants and boundaries.

Know What You Have to Offer

You should be able to articulate what you are offering in addition to knowing what you want. Whatever arrangement you two come up with, a prospective Domme should be enjoying it as much as you do. Determine what you are prepared to contribute to the partnership. While equality is not necessary in a relationship, it is essential to ensure that everyone's needs are being satisfied. You might be better off searching for a paid dominatrix rather than a partner if you are looking for someone to fulfil your fetish.

Could you get to Know Her?

Approaching a Domme will be simpler once you are aware of your goals and what you have to give. Finding out what she is seeking and her personality is crucial at this stage. You should spend time getting to know someone in any new relationship. You'll be sorry if you don't. Asking someone to dominate them on their first meeting is a significant mistake made by eager submissives. There's no way around this! If you don't show a Domme that you are thoughtful and selective about who you delegate authority to, you risk coming across as desperate and possibly in danger. Relationships can become unsatisfactory or dangerous if you enter a power dynamic without getting to know someone.

Learn How to Be a Good Submissive

Be a good submissive without becoming a doormat once you've found a Domme and begun to shift toward a power dynamic. The ability to make difficult decisions for oneself is crucial for submissives. A Domme is seeking a power dynamic, not someone to micromanage or watch over. Someone who can take care of themselves is what a good Domme wants. You ought to have your friends, interests, aspirations, and plans for the future. Without their help, you ought to be able to function as an adult. A spouse who behaves like a robot is the most unattractive thing in the world. A lady who is domineering is seeking a subordinate. You are not seeking submission if you lack the strength to support yourself; rather, you are seeking a crutch.

Contribute to the Relationship

Contributing to the relationship and starting at the bottom are two different things. A Domme will require you to express your ideas and opinions honestly. Giving multiple recommendations (not demands!) and letting your Domme make the final choice is the most straightforward approach to demonstrate that you are contributing while also honoring the power dynamic. For instance, brainstorm three possible dining options for the two of you, then let her choose where to go. Give her the freedom to decide what is appropriate for you. These could include factors like where you go, how you have sex, or even what you wear when you go on a date. To ensure that you are both on the same page, you should have expressed your boundaries early on. Never forget that you may always say "no." (See Helpful Suggestions for Setting Your Sexual Limits for additional advice.)

Dommes Are Human Too

Finally, keep in mind that your Domme is also a human. It's common for subordinates to begin unrealistically idolizing their Dommes. They demand a dominatrix-style relationship all the time, with no space for emotion, imperfections, or life. This will be frustrating for you and disappointing for your Domme. Everybody has ordinary life moments, even the best Domme. That entails having obligations, having difficult days, and occasionally not knowing everything. She will require you to appreciate her "human" side and understand that she is not merely there to entertain you.

Finding a Domme may take some time, but you may find and attract the ideal dominant woman if you are true to yourself and clear about what you want and what you can offer. Never forget to treat yourself and any possible partner with respect.