Beginners guide to bondage

Spontaneous Sexcapade at Bunnings

My partner and I chose to stop at Bunnings on our way home in an Uber after meeting up with some friends. We told the Uber driver that we had to do some planting right away. He was skeptical, so he gave us five minutes to run around Bunnings and find a number of things that could also be signs that someone was about to kidnap us. Yes, we were horny and thought it would be cool to get some nail polish to use on each other later. It looked like a paddle, but it was made of wood, and we got duck tape, different kinds of rope, and wire ties.

First, I need to say that we had never tried bondage before and had not really talked about combining it with sex. It was a (very) strange event.

We played around with the bondage items as soon as we got home. I started to use the rope to tie my partner to the bed. A lot of people laughed, some were unsure, and some knots were made very badly.

Finally, I'm telling you this story to show you what not to do and to help you start exploring the wonderful world of bondage (in a safe and legal way).

What is bondage?

What does bondage mean? It is the act of tying, binding, or restraining someone without their consent. It is the first letter of the word BDSM, which stands for "bondage & discipline," "dominance & submission," "sadism & masochism." In a normal relationship, one partner is in charge and the other is controlled or submissive. When your partner teases you while you're tied up, it can be very exciting because you don't know what part of your body they will play with next (drool-worthy).

Safety first

Before getting involved in bondage with a partner, you should talk about it. Therefore, they can think about it without feeling rushed to say yes right away.

The following is an example of how you and your partner could talk about bondage:

"I've been interested in trying bondage with you, and I was wondering how you'd feel about it?"

This lets your partner tell you what they really think. Be ready for them to say "no, I'm not into it," and that's fine! Before you try bondage with someone, you should make a plan for how you will control each other so that it doesn't go badly like it did for my partner and me. It's important to talk about each other's limits ahead of time. For example, "I don't mind being tied up with tape, but I'm okay with being tied up with a scarf" or "you can tie my feet together, but I'd rather my hands stay free." Bondage can be very sexy and add a little sex to your normal bedtime routine. However, it can also be dangerous, so making sure you can talk to each other before and during lowers the chance of something going wrong in the heat of the moment.

Based on my experience as a sexologist, I suggest using the traffic light system: green means go, orange means you're almost there, and red means stop. This is a good way to let your partner know what your limits are right now so that you can both have a safe, relaxed, and most importantly fun time together.

Let’s get started

You've talked to your partner, set a date, and are now adding the "Fifty Shades of Grey" mix to your Spotify queue. Having trouble focusing on your work? When I think about the hot night you're going to have later, I would be too. First, I think you should make a little goodie bag. Here are some ideas to get you started.

You are going to need something to restrain either you or your partner with:

• On a budget: Use items that you have at home like a shirt tie, stockings or scarf
• Splurge: For bondage, you'll need leather restraints or handcuffs. If you're new to bondage, choose something with Velcro so the person being bound can get out of it more easily if they don't like it!

Sensory items to use on the restrained partner:

• On a budget: feathers, ice cubes, a string of pearls
• Splurge: blind fold, massage oil or wax

Kinky items to use on the restrained partner:

• On a budget: wooden paddle or ruler
• Splurge: leather flogger or paddle, ball gag, spreader bar, nipple clamps

Time to play

Consider the resources available to you or your partner to bind you to. A bed? Chair? Maybe you're limiting their ankles? Or the wrists? (I already have a lot of dreams running through my head; do you have any?) Play with your senses and start with only the tip! This is a terrific method to introduce bondage to both you and your partner and to set the tone for a joyful and enjoyable experience. Try covering your partner's eyes with a blindfold once you are both comfortably confined (within their threshold). This is a safe way to get started in the bondage industry. Restricting someone's vision immediately intensifies their other reactions. This is an excellent opportunity to use a vibrator, lightly slap them, track their body with a feather, or even whisper filthy words in their ear.

One of my best suggestions for bondage is temperature play. For an incredibly sexual, bonding experience, try gliding ice cubes over the confined person's body. You can also use warm honey (lick it off their body, baby), wax, or massage oil.

Lastly, it should be enjoyable and fun! If you are uncomfortable doing anything, don't force yourself to do it. Best friend, baby steps!

5 Great Tips For Beginners

With the popularity of 50 Shades of Grey, many individuals began to wonder if they might include bondage into their sexual lives. Bondage was a common component of many sexual toolkits even before the book was created. In the bedroom, bondage with a lover can be thrilling, enjoyable, and sensual. However, there are a few things you should do before removing the handcuffs and gags if this is something you have never done before. Read these guidelines first if bondage is new to you and you've made up your mind to try it. They will assist you and your lover or partners in becoming more at ease with bondage.

1. Let’s Talk About It

People usually encourage you to do this, as we all know, but there's a reason for it—obtaining consent is crucial, particularly when it comes to bondage! To make sure that both of you are comfortable moving forward, you should first speak with your partner. Without letting them know that bondage is something you're interested in, you can't just tie them up in the middle of the night and expect it to be your way of telling them you want to do it. It could work out well, but it could go horribly wrong. Whether it's at dinner or when you ask them to help you choose a toy, let them know you desire this. Telling them that you wish to attempt this doesn't need to be a long conversation. Most of the time, they will also be eager to try something new. 

2. Selecting the Right Toy

To begin bondage, there are numerous toys available. Beginner and experienced S&M are among them. Get a basic blindfold and bed-tying hand and foot cuffs to begin. Since the blindfold heightens their sense of restriction, the absence of sight makes it an excellent addition to bondage. Long ties with a single shackle at the end should be used for the hand and foot restraints. Because they provide a great deal of flexibility and movement, these are ideal for novices. The last thing you want is to take five-minute breaks in the middle of the heat to figure out how to free your partner from the restraints, therefore the handcuffs at the ends should be soft and Velcro-attached so they are pleasant and easy for both parties to get in and out of. The fact that you can choose which limbs you wish to be tied—for example, only the hands or only the feet—or leave one hand or foot free while the others are restrained makes the ties even more helpful.

3. Slave to Sensation

The bondage trick is actually very easy. We find it appealing because it makes one individual lose control. Because of this incapacity to move and touch, every sensation seems to be communicating via a microphone. It improves and amplifies the feeling of everything. The sensations are now coming over a loudspeaker when you add a blindfold to the mix. Thus, spend time with your significant other. Take your time and let them experience your gentle caresses and strokes. The sense of being desired and wanted is another component. Your partner is suddenly very conscious and wants you to express your desire for them and their body because they are unable to show affection and attention while they are restrained. Try things like kissing their body slowly, saying in their ear how much you want them, and brushing your fingertips lightly over their skin. You'll both be hankering after more. To add a little something more, use a feather or tickler to tickle them or take an ice cube and surprise them with that new ingredient. Your spouse will become enthralled with the feelings and want for more.

4. Find the Right Position

Starting with the submissive partner on their back is the ideal position. This allows you to quickly access and evaluate all of their "goodies" and turn them into your playthings by exposing their front while keeping their hands and feet immobilized. Put them on their sides instead of the back, though, if you want something different. Lay them on their side by tying their hands and ankles together on one side of the bed, and then lie behind them. Although it's simpler to tease in a new location, you can still easily access all of their sensitive areas. You can put your arm in front of them and stroke their private parts while nibbling on their neck or ear. The options are virtually limitless from there. You can place females on their front or back, or bend them over a chair. For men, get them on their knees with their hands bound in front of their bodies or bind them to a strong chair.

5. Take Turns

This is a fantastic method to tease and help everyone get more at ease with bondage. On your phone, set a timer to go off every five to ten minutes. Alternate between being the person in charge or the one who is restrained. Establish boundaries and challenges with one another. For instance, you are not permitted to take off your clothing during the first round, and you are only permitted to use your tongue during the second. Both sides will feel more at ease with the bonds as a result of this turn-taking, knowing that their turn will arrive shortly. Due to the quantity of foreplay that fosters inventiveness and enjoyment, it will also boost pleasure for both parties.