Strap on sex for all
Similar to lubrication, a strap on dildo can improve anyone's sexual life, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.
Strap on dildos can be worn or received by people with penises, vaginas, and everyone in between. They are suitable for anal sex, blow jobs, manual sex, and masturbation.
You should still learn more about Strap ons, even if they seem utterly outside of your purview, because they may genuinely spice up your sex life and make it far more enjoyable and flexible.
Harness play is frequently connected to specific gender roles, sexual orientations, and identities, although these connections are more detrimental than beneficial. If you don't want them to, specific sexual behaviors don't define who you are, according to Amy Boyajian, co-founder and CEO of Wild Flower, an online retailer of sex toys that just launched Enby, the first vibrator that is gender-neutral.
Are you ready to learn more about harness play and how all body types can enjoy it? Continue reading.
Strap on dildo can be pleasurable for everyone
Is it possible for someone to enjoy harness play if they have a penis? Here is some further information about how using or wearing a Strap on during intercourse can be enjoyable, especially for people who are already in possession of a phallus.
"People with penises, erectile dysfunction, or post-prostatectomy can have sex and satisfy their partner in the manner they are used to by wearing Strap on harnesses," says sex and relationships educator Sarah Sloane, who has been instructing Strap on classes at Good Vibrations and Pleasure Chest since 2001.
According to her, people can also try double penetration with this method. The options are unlimited, as is the enjoyment!
To accomplish anal penetration, a person with a penis can have their partner, who has a vulva, wear the harness.
For those who have penises, this type of anal penetration, sometimes known as pegging, can be highly physically satisfying, according to Boyajian. The prostate is situated inside the anus, towards the belly, a few inches in length. Some people report that stimulating the prostate improves orgasms and gives them pleasant feelings.
Furthermore, pegging could offer a chance to investigate power and pleasure dynamics that aren't always included in your play.
A giant toy than a finger or butt plug is typically used for pegging play, so you'll want to work your way up in size and get used to the feeling of being pierced to minimize pain or discomfort.
For vulva owners, harness play can also be a great way to have sex. A clitoral or vaginal orgasm, or perhaps a blended one, could result from wearing a harness, depending on your body type and where you place it for optimal thrusting.
According to Stubbs, observing your partner's pleasure at feeling penetrated is a significant portion of the delight that many people derive from wearing a harness. Being able to get close to and penetrate a partner involves a great deal of intimacy. You can press your body up against theirs and give them kisses and strokes with your hands and tongue.
Gender play also has a component that some people find intriguing. "Strap on sex allows queer people to subvert heterosexual sex." Sloane replies, "You're queering the hell out of something that's thought to be straight."
Furthermore, "wearing or owning a [Strap on] feels right for their gender identity and incredibly validating for some folks who are masculine off-center, genderqueer, or who otherwise identify with having a cock." For this reason, Strap on simulated oral sex play can also be prevalent.
People with vulvas can experience anal or vaginal penetration with a Strap on on the receiving end.
According to Sloane, "Some people find vaginal penetration enjoyable because of the G-spot, the A-spot, the sensation of fullness, and the power dynamics it may evoke."
At the end of the vaginal canal is a sensitive tissue area known as the anterior fornix erogenous zone, or A-spot. Boyajian says that when stimulated, this can increase arousal, initiate vaginal lubrication, and cause an orgasm.
Individuals with vaginas might also find enjoyment in anal play. According to Boyajian, the anus contains hundreds of sensitive nerve endings that are focused around the aperture and the outside of the rectum. "Those with vaginas can experience a full orgasm by stimulating this part of the body and the thrill of doing something 'taboo.'"
Are you about to purchase a Strap on? Take a look at the detailed Strap on purchasing guide below.
Picking out a harness
With so many different harness options available, deciding on the material, style, and price range you want may take some cunning.
First, it can matter if you intend to use the Strap on with a partner or not. "Ask your partner whether they want to participate in the purchase. Since you will both be utilizing it, you want to have a vote on the specifics, advises resident sexologist Jill McDevitt of CalExotics, who is headquartered in California.
Before making a purchase, consider your needs and usage schedule if you're shopping alone. Here are a few valuable things to think about.
Questions to ask when shopping for a harness
How is this product going to be
used? For what sex acts?
Who will be using this
product, and what are the body shapes of the users?
Is it essential that it’s
machine-washable?
How much am I willing to spend?
Choosing the right style
Underwear and Strap on harnesses are the two primary types used for pegging and penetrative sex.
Underwear-style harnesses are designed to resemble a pair of underwear; fashions range from boxers and briefs to boy shorts and thongs.
The adjustable straps on Strap on style harnesses give them their name.
Sloane prefers Strap on types because they easily fit tightly around the body and typically last longer.
"It should fit snugly, like a pair of jeans you'd wear to the club if you want someone to take a closer look at you," Sloane advises. "The dildo will move more in sync with your body the more securely the harness is fastened to you."
You can feel disoriented or out of sync after taking a dildo if it's too loose or doesn't fit properly.
The jockstrap and thong styles are the most popular variations of the Strap on harness, while there are others.
Because of the thong strap that runs between the legs, those with vulvas are usually more comfortable in the thong style.
The jockstrap type will include straps over the waist and butt cheeks, giving it a typical jockstrap appearance.
Both are equally effective, but if someone is going to wear a penis, sex educator Mayla Green of adutoys.com recommends the jockstrap design since it will be more comfortable and provide room for the testicles.
Strap on harness recommendations
Stubbs suggests the Vac-U-Lock, a machine-washable, highly adjustable neoprene harness with two easily interchangeable ring sizes, for those new to Strap on play.
Stubbs recommends the Body Extension harness as a fantastic alternative for anyone searching for a unisex harness with an added vibration component. "It is suitable for someone new to anal play because of its adjustable straps and thinner dildo profile.”
The Deuce by SpareParts is the harness that Sloane suggests if you have a penis. "This harness has two cock rings: one to secure the dildo's base and the other to hold the penis."
Try the Joque by SpareParts if you're seeking a harness that partners of all body types may wear, advises Sloane. Because of its jock-style straps, it is machine-washable, adaptable, and suitable for any partner to wear. "I prefer to suggest this one to people with larger frames," she states.
Sloane suggests the jock-style Uprize Harness if you're searching for an affordable yet functional harness. "This starter harness is excellent at $22 and features 4-way adjustment."
Sloane recommends the Cherry Bombin' Roadster Harness as an incredibly durable thong-style harness.
Many people who are new to Strap on sex enjoy the look of an underwear-style harness, so if that's the case for you, measure your waist and thighs carefully before shopping to ensure you obtain the correct size.
Underwear harness recommendations
Sloane recommends the $90 Tomboi Harness by SpareParts if you're new to harness play and want something secure and straightforward.
According to McDevitt, if you're searching for something that feels like underwear, the Calexotics Scandal Panty Set is a great option. It resembles a stylish pair of panties but also includes a dildo.
Try the underwear from Rodeoh if you're looking for a range of styles that you may wear with your Dildo. The advantage of them, according to Sloane, is that you can wash them in the laundry just like any other pair of underwear when you're done.
Wearing a Strap on style harness over a pair of underwear will give you the underwear look and feel without breaking the bank, especially if you're on a tight budget or already possess a Strap on harness and don't want to buy another one.
Think about the harness material.
Now that you've decided on a style consider the harness material. Materials such as rope, leather, neoprene, nylon, spandex, polyester, or a combination are used to make harnesses. Once more, the harness may come with a dildo attached, but it usually comes apart so you may attach one.
If you plan to use it with several partners, look for something relatively easy to clean.
According to Sloane, "If something is machine washable, you can wash it without worrying about germs or bacteria transmission." This will also facilitate the removal of lubricant.
According to Sloane, all harness materials that aren't made of leather or rubber should be machine-washable, though you should always double-check the package instructions to make sure.
Here are a few other things to keep in mind when purchasing a harness
If you're seeking clitoral stimulation, specific Strap on harnesses, like the Tantus Velvet Vibrating Harness, have a built-in pocket for a bullet vibrator, which is helpful.
A vibrating cock ring is also included in the box with other Strap on harnesses. Without really using a vibrating dildo, Sloane suggests adding a vibrating cock ring to the Dildo as an excellent method to create vibration. However, a vibrating cock ring can typically be found for less than $5, making it more affordable than a costly combo pack.
Lastly, specific harnesses will feature interchangeable rings, while others will have rings that are fixed in place. If the latter, confirm that the ring will fit the Dildo you now possess or intend to buy.
Now, you need to pick out a dildo.
Similar to the harness, the Dildo's material, style, and size are all crucial. Let's get the content first.
The Food and Drug Administration does not regulate sex toys since they are classified as novelty items (FDA). This implies that you must determine whether the toy's material is porous or safe for the body.
Stubbs advises using a nonporous substance for the toy, particularly if it will be placed into the anus, which is home to many bacteria.
A toy of porous substance may harbor bacteria, making it more challenging to clean and less suitable for use in or near the genitalia.
Among the nonporous dildo materials are silicone, glass, and stainless steel.
Pyrex ABS polymers
A silicone toy is what Stubbs recommends for first-time Strap on sex. Generally, these are simpler to handle and less heavy than glass stainless steel. Additionally, the receiving partner will probably find it more comfortable because it has more excellent give.
Remember: You don't want an overly soft silicone toy, like Cyberskin or Ultra Skin, if you want to use the Strap on for penetration rather than masturbation or oral play.
According to Stubbs, "It'll be difficult to insert them without holding the shaft with your hand the entire time." The best way to determine how much the toy jiggles is to hold it in your hand. Imagine how that may feel inside your body or someone else's body.
The following materials should be avoided: polyvinyl chloride (PVC), thermoplastic rubber (TPR), and thermoplastic elastomer (TPE).
"You'll have to use a condom with it every time and clean it extremely carefully if you do purchase a porous dildo," advises Sloane.
If you're buying at an adult toy store and are unsure about the composition of a dildo, see the product information or ask a salesperson.
Picking the right dildo shape and size
When it comes to harness play, your Dildo should suit your needs and preferences. To restate, if you intend to use the Dildo on or with a partner, you should accompany them to the store.
"Discuss openly with your partner about their preferred size and girth, as everyone has different desires," advises Sloane. It would even be possible to have them choose the Dildo if they are going to be entered.
Questions to ask before buying a dildo
What is the intended use of this dildo?
Would I prefer a dildo with balls or one that resembles a penis?
Would I like it to be a different hue, or should it match the color of my skin or my partner's?
Which length and thickness work best for my use of the Dildo?
Should I get a textured or smooth dildo?
Is it my desire for the Dildo to serve as a packer, concealed beneath clothing to resemble a penis?
A dildo that is 1.5 to 1.75 inches in diameter and 5 to 6 inches long would likely provide you with the most use, according to Sloane. Your spouse might find that too large, particularly if they're not experienced with pegging or penetration.
Sizing down is bright, particularly if you're starting. You may be thinking, "That's so small! But start smaller than you expect if you've never tried anal or penetration before, advises the speaker. In other words, avoid going large, returning home, and then realizing it's too huge.
It's crucial to take the texture of the Dildo into account. According to Sloane, "the texture can irritate certain partners." However, there's reason to think that the partner being penetrated will love a textured Strap on experience if they've used and appreciated textured butt plugs, dildos (not attached to a harness), or G-spot toys.
Consider if you want to be able to wear the Dildo (also known as packing) when out and about. Some find this incredibly alluring, from gender play and validation to power dynamics. Usually, a dildo's ability to be folded, tucked in, or used as a packer is indicated in the product description.
Some dildo recommendations
Try the Tantus Silk Small, available in large or medium sizes, if you and your lover are new to Strap on sex.
The simpler, the better if your partner is afraid of being entered.
Sloane remarks, "This is smooth and almost looks like a finger."
The Spur VixSkin by Vixen is a semi-realistic gadget that Sloane recommends if you're new to the game. It's a terrific size for those new to Strap ons, at 1.12 inches in diameter and 5.75 inches of insertable length.
Try New York Toy Collective if you're searching for an incredibly lifelike doll. According to Sloane, "They have realistic shapes in realistic colors—and non-realistic colors if you prefer." Their most well-liked model is the Shilo, which has a large head that is excellent for stimulating the G-spot. It's also flexible enough to be tucked in.
Try the NYTC's Mason dildo if you're searching for one made especially for larger frames. It is longer and less girthy, which makes it easier to use.
Make sure your Dildo and strap on are compatible
While some harnesses are suitable for a wide range of dildo sizes, some are limited to specific diameters. According to Sloane, you should confirm that the harness's base or ring is the right size to accommodate the Dildo.
Stability is again essential for control. Try the two together if you can while you're at a sex shop. If it isn't feasible, use your fingers to create a loop the size of the ring. Try to pull the Dildo through after that. "You might need a smaller ring if the dildo base is so thin that it pulls through," advises Sloane.
Buy (and use!) lube — lots!
You will need lubricant for your Strap on, regardless of how you intend to use it.
According to Boyajian, "lube is an absolute must for anal play because the anus does not self-lubricate." Lubricant is the only way to stop unwelcome friction, no matter how hot you are. This will not only make anal intercourse much more enjoyable, but it also helps to prevent painful microtears," they claim.
Although the vagina naturally lubricates itself, Sloane notes that this lubrication often lasts for no more than 30 minutes. When having sex, use lubricant and keep applying it—it can make all the difference in how something feels or not.
Despite the wide variety of available lubricant alternatives, bear the following in mind: It is impossible to use silicone-based lubes with silicone-based dildos since the toy will break. Nothing is more depressing than applying silicone-based lubricant to a newly acquired dildo and watching it start to take on a melted appearance, as Sloane puts it. True enough.
Apply lubricant to the Dildo's tip as well as the hole it will puncture while utilizing the toy. The Dildo will slide in more readily as a result.
Getting used to your harness
The next thing to do is to practice utilizing your toys now that you have them!
Sloane advises people to spend some time experimenting with it alone. Please put it on, determine the ideal sitting position for the Dildo to feel in control, masturbate with it, and gain confidence in the way your body responds to the toy.
"It's recommended that people reach a certain level of confidence before using it with a partner," she says, adding that feeling confident in the Strap on is more than half the fun of enjoying Strap on sex.
For those with larger frames, Sloane recommends the following: Try placing the harness on the most luscious area of your abdomen—roughly half the distance between your pubic mound and belly button—if you intend to have penetrating sex with your lover. See how that feels. "You'll have a lot of control without losing inches of the dildo through skin and body," she continues.
Be patient — and enjoy
Boyajian states, "Your harness play exploration might not be as linear or as straightforward as other types of sexual play." "Determining what toys feel good to you, what positions are most comfortable, and how you like to be penetrated may take some time."
Thus, appreciate this new add-on, pay attention to your body, and be patient with the procedure.
